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The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. Later, I appear on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about the situation, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend helping her make content.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the content we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and connect with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who execute that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uneasy. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I understand not everyone likes being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a short video here or there would be fun for her. Innovation thrives in collaboration, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop recording herself and her friend when they are socializing?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend film you. I understand that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the uncertain future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply everyone around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your friendship. Create some real memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?